(Special to 11L/RNI)
Chesty McCleavage, international porn star, perhaps most famous for her role in Stephen Sploogberg’s infamous five boner suck and sleaze classic ‘BRABREAK MOUNTAINS’, announced her intention to throw her 48 triple D’s in the ring, and run in this falls New York State Senate race.
Born in Juggsville Arkansas, and now residing in California’s Silicon Valley, Miss McCleavage said that she was encouraged to run after witnessing the come from behind victory of Republican Scott Brown in Massachusetts. Mr. Brown much like Miss McCleavage, has been a person used for gratification purposes, having once posed nude for Cosmopolitan magazine.
‘I think, er, like the people of New York, er, the state, need someone like me to, like, shake things up’, she said, while thrusting her rack of renowned at reporters, causing an eye injury to an AP photographer.
‘I’m like, the breast candidate for the job’, she said with a Palinesque wink, continuing, ‘unlike most politicians who just fuck people in public, I know what its like to get fucked in public’.
When one reporter asked her just what her credentials to run for the Senate seat were, she replied ‘Are you blind hon’?
When another suggested that her planned move to New York City’s Tenderloin District would make her a carpetbagger, a charge also levied at Tennessee congressman Harold Ford, who is considering running for the same seat, Miss McCleavage replied ‘Er like I’m no carpetbagger, actually I’m more of a carpet muncher’ an obvious reference to her movie role opposite Clitoria Whole, starring as sappho sisters in the 2008 lesbian adventure ‘Return to Hootersville’.
Asked if she could identify the capitol of New York State, she heaved her chest forward and said ‘Duh, that would be the Pussycat Lounge silly’, which prompted much laughter from the assembled media. Keeping her composure she then said ‘Lookit, I can take on big… issues, and like, I’m a lot easier on the eyes than that dykie lookin’ bitch Kirsten Gillibrand.
Despite the derisive treatment from the press, Chesty had her share of supporters carrying signs, including ones proclaiming “Chesty 2012 in the Ovals Office’, ‘Put Chesty under the big top’, and ‘Chesty’s the one… or is that two?’
- Continuing her attack on the animated program “Family Guy,” former Alaska governor Sarah Palin said today that she was particularly offended by the show “as a fellow cartoon.”
